Been awhile since I wrote here…

Kinda upset with myself that I have allowed myself only to work with the technique when it comes to my play. Maybe I have had too much time to think, as well.

I’m noticing that the less I work at exercising these muscles, the more I am prone to lack of ease, frustration, jumping into analysis via my intellect and straight up floundering. It hit me the absolute importance of staying in that creative state even during a show and allowing impressions, images, impulses and my other actors influence me during this process.

I forgot how important EASE, LIGHTNESS and FUN is when Acting. Chekhov talks so much about freedom and the technique should serve you and create joy in you. When all this straining is happening, the joy ceases and that is a very frustrating place. I’ve been struggling a lot with Jack- he is different than me- I feel general. My PG’s aren’t really “possessing” me as Chekhov talks about.

That brings up some huge issues

  • The part of me that is afraid of doing things wrongly. The one that goes, “is this good enough?” And freaks out when it doesn’t feel right and stops.
  • The imaginary thing always playing on me to give up and “sit down”. I feel this fall in my will and its so hard to fight against.
  • The constant pressure on my shoulders. I’m starting to see this as an objective image of something grabbing onto my back and whispering how much I suck. lol actually when I think about it, that’s a great character.

I’m challenging myself to jump back to this. For the next week, my focus will be:

  • Ease and lightness
  • Atmosphere (objective)
  • Feeling
  • Expanding/Contracting (opening/closing)

I will update as I’m able!


Week 2 final

I felt an incredible amt of resistance.

Here’s how my work adjusted

I melted into the river of lazy–> Explored my worry wart–> Dumped river of luxury on him–> Explored luxury with worry in my hand (internal conflict)–> Filled with green, blue, bubble gum pink

From there, I went into the head center finally. Exploring that negative voice of resistance as a direction. Them I started recognizing what was really going on as a movement. I was so tired that I was FALLING from the head. So, I let myself fall from the head. The only ting that could pick me up was the will when I chose to. So, then i explored more in the head and what the difference between a deep and shallow thinker. This was a movement- its all movement in that location!


And then something magical happened. I decided to work on my character, Jack. Some of this is gold and some will just go away.

  1. It all started with Cecily being like a feather. Exploring what I could do to, with a feather. – Went into PG for the word, “laying stress>” I understood something when it came to cecily.
  2. Algy- explored gesture of I want to be carefree- the wishing, but then ANOTHER DUTY. Another DUTY. Another Duty… Is there a fall from the WILL? “I don’t want to do this.”

My breakthrough was with leading questions.

  1. All of a sudden I saw Mr. Thomas Cardew around me, holding me up. dressing me.
    1. Never let a lady tell you what you missed. Always be ahead.”
  2. I saw him with Gwendolyn
    1. I saw her hand which was dressed in a long, white glove– And I saw him wanting to slowly pull off every part of her clothes, kissing her.
    2. I also saw him holding her from behind- her belly pregnant. IN this child’s room.
  3. I asked him to show me something personal
    1. He showed me his locket, which is in his pocket.
    2. Cecily is in it.
    3. But really, he wants to put Gwendolyn in it. because this is close to his heart.
    4. This led me to his HEART CENTER
      1. He has an empty heart. That was REALLY powerful.
        1. So when, Lady Bracknell refuses him. He can’t fill his heart. It’s devastating.
    5. He showed me himself and it surprised me:
      1. He’s really pale
      2. He’s about 5’5- balding sort of. Stubby hands. He showed me this gorgeous Algy and how frustrated he gets.
    6. Something interesting he showed me was his head center. He showed me the difference between RIGHT and WRONG. But then he showed me how he likes to flirt, step into wrong. And then lift up right. His thinking became clear. But it gave way to action and thought.
    7. He finally showed me that he cries into his clothes. The image of tears in his clothes was really powerful.

The more i do this- the more fun it becomes!!! It’s addictive!

It’s like I can ALWAYS Act.

Maybe it’s even a little crazy to say I can deal with my real feelings in life in artistic ways. Or deal with my worrying with ease, or popping into a character, etc. Why hate my job when I can play in different centers, qualities, ease, all day long.

Week 2 #2

Here’s some thoughts from yesterday’s 8/3 practice

Tons of resistiance. So, I read Lenard Petit’s book.

  1. Continous Acting– really really encouraged by the freedom this will bring to my work.
    1. It is possible to be always acting because we receive such pleasure from it. To desire to do this and follow through, it will lead us to new impressions, new approaches, new discoveries and new ways of understanding the roles that come to us. This approach to continually acting will prepare us the necessary confidence to be creative.” This is something I’m feeling a lot lately. For this first time, i’m really, really understanding how I felt in my best moments while acting: pleasure-filled!
  2. I explored Radiating with the IRIS image. Having this above my head, and then in my feet, eyes, third eye, etc was very powerful. This showed me on a deeper level how we can radiate anything.
    1. I can send out WARMTH to someone. I can send out CALM (Isabelle) to someone. Etc.. This is immediately accessible and something I just need to awaken.
  3. Reminded of the “sweet spot” of the gesture. For example, if i’m slapping your face- it’s the moment of the slap. I am continously living in that moment.
  4. Personal atmosphere- imagining an atmosphere of sweet was so awesome. Having it all coming to me… from every side.
    1. It makes me look at people in life and explore that


onto next time!

Week Two

Had an AWESOME convo with my good friend, Raul Santiago about this challenge. He decided to step in alongside me on my journey. We want to continue to explore and get more consistent with the technique.

We decided on four elements this week:

  • Ease
  • Thinking
  • Lift
  • Atmosphere

As for day 1

Resistance: I felt that there was a lot of resistance early in the day to get going. It’s easier for me to freak out or run to other people than to just get on my feet.

Discoveries: Thinking was so much fun. I started with the STICK image and let tht develop. There was such a difference between a toothpick in the head center vs. Bat. I never had such a freeing Head Center experience as the SUN in my head vs. the black condensed ball.

  • I think I saw for the first time that my thinking is all over the places– in my head, in lines, almost sometimes like grafitti all on the inside. THe sun center image is incredibly freeing for this.
  • Jack is a clear thinker- almost like a blue sky.But he is also decisive. I had trouble finding an image for this but i just went for it and discovered some. When the element of character was added in, it became a little more difficult.

LIFT was exciting. I really focused on lifting from the three centers. Lift from my will and heart was familar, but it wasn’t familar to lift from my head. All of a sudden, I thought of someone who has self help. The image of lifting people up with my knowledge really cleared my thinking. It was really encouraging to work with Jack because I really think he lifts people up- even Algy & Cecily. (Lifting his love up for Gwendolyn?)

Interesting moment: With atmosphere, I didn’t get to explore as much, but I did discover that when I went into the fun atmosphere, all of a sudden, I got really big crazy hair on. Like multi-colored hair and the image of a huge smile. Or when I went into a graveyard, I had black clothes on. So, this one element of the technique opened up others.

For Jack, I think it will be interesting to work with COLD and WARM atmospheres. Because this changes throughout the play and with different people. (Maybe even from Gwendolyn scene to Lady Bracknell.)

Favorite moment: If you’re not a Christian, you may not get this, but that is OK. I worked with EASE> And I decided to vocalize and become that critical voice in my head. The one that is on my every move, says I need to be perfect. All of a sudden, I became the kinder voice, the voice of ease. He puts the critical one in a cage. All of a sudden, i just felt Christ’s hair come on me and I knew I was speaking to the enemy. I got to put voices to good and evil here and embody both. That was fun! ┬áIt was really powerful and in that, I realized again that my big battle is so much bigger than the critical voice in my head. That voice of ease says “I love you.”

Until tomorrow!

Day 5/6?

So, I’m encountering a lot more resistance. A lot more lets sit down and talk about the work instead of doing it. When I do this, acting is not playful.

When I’m going around- trying to “figure stuff out.” because i’m not getting it to my own degree- my ease goes away. I came home from Earnest rehearsal, kind of panicked with pressure on my shoulder’s. My thoughts were unclear, i was trying so hard. When I started working, for instance,on Jack melting down- nothing was right, and I wasn’t allowing myself to radiate or anything.

I wanted to put this in my journal because this has been such an issue for me. Trusting myself. Trusting my talent. Breathing through the panic– not running online searching for intellectual ways to understand it. (Guilty!)

I’m seeing as I’m reflecting the need to simplify. I’m trying to do too much. Once again, go back to the beginning. One, two things of the technique. Play in them. Have some lines.

Tomorrow: Flowing Quality & Smash Archetypal Gesture (Atmosphere if you have time.)

**pick out some lines from Jack**



Day #4

Today I didn’t practice in terms of setting aside a half hour. I wish I did but my wife was leaving for FLA and there was too much to do.

However, today was about exploring the WILL.

Best moment: The more I played with the will- the more I felt the “ball moving.” I was ping-ponging from one thing to the other. I would focus on different will parts of the body– thumb, jaw, knuckles and really concentrated on them. I didn’t necessarily use an image but lived there. At one point, I got pretty hunkered down and it felt like my entire body was moving from a will place.

Interesting the difference between a WEAK and STRONG Jaw. It feels like my jaw contracts and expands. It’s also interesting to live in places like my teeth or my bottom jaw.

Working on for next time: Ease- just the freedom to fail. To be OK with exploration like this.


Earnest: Images as I read

  • Spine
  • Golden Heart– gold
  • Picking Algy a part– sensation of being driven crazy. Active- super active

My director wants me to figure out my superobjective and fear by the next rehearsal/first read through. My natural response is to get it with my head. I guess my learning curve here is to go to the body. There is a lot of fear and insecurity that I can’t do it and i’m not good enough. It’s going to be something I’ll work through in time.





Day #3

Keeping it going!!!

Yet maybe I’m delaying on doing this on my role I just got for Earnest…

Something that crosses my mind is- why not try simple text- maybe even commercial quality text with different images?

  • doggy ears
  • strong hands
  • orange tang
  • bloody gums (felt like a zombie)
  • toothbrush
  • Gumby- in different centers

These things- when I took the time to feel them energetically, changed me. A different characterization, sometimes small, happened.

Best moment: I was doing dishes and I grabbed a sharp knife. All of a sudden my psychology CHANGED. The knife had a gesture, a quality happened. When I held the plastic knife, my psychology changed as well! This just shows me the POWER of dealing with props if we allow ourselves to be affected by them!

Difficulty: When attempting to record for the blog, I felt the need to perform. It was like my energy source went dead, or lost power. I needed to give myself a second to just breathe.

Observation of the day: When I had to give an explanation to my TM and SM- i panicked. All of a sudden I started to speak in circles and my fingers were moving in circles, as well. The stated, “well, you’re starting to get at something.” I thought that was SO awesome, because that’s what I was doing and I was radiating that, but out of my fear! We are so complex as humans!!